What is Dismissive Avoidant What It Is and How to Deal With It

Dismissive avoidant is a type of attachment style that describes how a person relates to others. People with dismissive avoidant attachments frequently avoid closeness, emotional dependence, and dependence on others. They may also have a low opinion of others and a high opinion of themselves. This article will explain what is dismissive avoidant attachment is, what causes it, how it affects relationships, and how to cope with it.

Why Do People Dismissive Avoidant Attach?

Attachment styles are patterns of behavior that develop in childhood and influence how we connect with others throughout our lives. There are four main types of attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful.

Secure attachment is the ideal type of attachment, where a person feels comfortable with intimacy, trust, and interdependence. On the other hand, anxious attachment is when a person feels insecure, needy, and anxious about losing their partner. Similarly, avoidant attachment is where a person feels uncomfortable with intimacy, trust, and interdependence. However, fearful attachment is where a person feels both insecure and uncomfortable with intimacy.

A subtype of dismissive avoidant attachment is when a person actively avoids developing an emotional bond with, or becoming attached to, other people. An individual with dismissive avoidant attachment typically avoids romantic relationships on purpose. They may also be secretive, independent, self-reliant, and detached from their feelings.

What Causes Dismissive Avoidant Attachment?

As a result of abusive or neglectful parenting, dismissive avoidant attachment typically manifests in childhood. A child who doesn’t receive enough love, care, attention, or responsiveness from their caregivers may learn to suppress their emotions and needs. They may also learn to distrust others and rely only on themselves. They may develop a sense of self-sufficiency and superiority that masks their underlying insecurity and loneliness.

How Does Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Affect Relationships?

Relationship formation and maintenance may be challenging for those with dismissive avoidant attachments. They may exhibit some of the following behaviors:

  • Highly secretive: People who are dismissive-avoidant are frequently rigid and secretive, refusing to let others’ opinions affect their own plans and frequently not even disclosing those plans.
  • Withdrawn: People who are dismissive-avoidant tend to withdraw from their partner when they feel too close or when their partner needs emotional support. They may also avoid physical contact and affection.
  • Emotionally unavailable: People who are dismissive-avoidant are often emotionally unavailable and unresponsive to their partner’s feelings. They may not share their own feelings or show empathy for their partner’s feelings.
  • Critical: People who are dismissive-avoidant may be critical of their partner or others. They may look for flaws in their partner or compare them unfavorably to others. They may also have unrealistic expectations of their partner or themselves.
  • Independent: People who are dismissive-avoidant are often very independent and self-sufficient. They may not ask for help or accept help from others. They may also value their autonomy and freedom more than their relationship.

These behaviors can make their partner feel lonely, frustrated, not valued, or not desired. Their partner may also feel insecure, anxious, or rejected. Their relationship may lack intimacy, trust, communication, and mutual support.

How to Cope With Dismissive Avoidant Attachment?

If you have dismissive avoidant attachment or you are in a relationship with someone who has it, you may benefit from some of the following strategies:

  • Seek professional help: Therapy can help you understand the root causes of your attachment style and how to change it. A therapist can help you explore your emotions, beliefs, and behaviors that affect your relationships. They can also help you develop healthier coping skills and communication skills.
  • Educate yourself: Learning more about dismissive avoidant attachment can help you recognize its signs and effects. You can read books, articles, or blogs on the topic or join online forums or support groups. You can also learn about other attachment styles and how they interact with each other.
  • Be patient: Changing your attachment style is not easy or quick. It takes time, effort, and commitment. You may experience setbacks or challenges along the way. Be patient with yourself and your partner. Don’t expect perfection or instant results.
  • Be honest: Honesty is essential for building trust and intimacy in any relationship. Be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings, needs, expectations, and boundaries. Don’t hide or deny your emotions or problems. Don’t lie or cheat on your partner.
  • Be respectful: Respect is another key ingredient for a healthy relationship. Respect yourself and your partner as individuals with different personalities, preferences, opinions, and experiences. Don’t judge or criticize your partner or yourself harshly. Don’t try to change or control your partner or yourself.
  • Be flexible: Flexibility is important for adapting to different situations and challenges in a relationship. Be flexible with yourself and your partner by being open to new ideas, perspectives, and experiences. Don’t be rigid or stubborn about your plans, goals, or routines. Don’t resist change or growth.
  • Be affectionate: Affection is a way of expressing love and care in a relationship. Be affectionate with yourself and your partner by showing physical and verbal signs of affection. Hug, kiss, cuddle, hold hands, or touch your partner gently. Say “I love you”, “I appreciate you”, “I’m proud of you”, or other positive words to your partner.
  • Be adventurous: Adventure is a way of adding fun and excitement to a relationship. Be adventurous with yourself and your partner by trying new things, exploring new places, or learning new skills together. Go on a trip, take a class, join a club, or start a hobby with your partner. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone.

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